Have you ever felt like you are going in circles?

Healing can sometimes feel like we are going around and around over the same ground and not getting anywhere. The same issue crops up over and over, perhaps it is abandonment, fear of failing, maybe an addiction creeps back in. Seeing the same issue again can make you feel like you are getting nowhere fast and can be frustrating, or worse make you want to give up.

But here is the thing…

Life is cyclical.

Nature is cyclical.

From birth to death, sunrise to sunset, from spring to winter, the cycles are there plain as day. Within your body, your hormones, your hunger, your sleep are all on a cycle. So why do we believe that somehow, we are a separate from this balanced pattern and flow of life?

Take the seasons as an example, do we get frustrated when winter comes again? Well maybe we do, if we haven’t learned all we need to yet about how to handle winter, but each time it comes around we have learned a little bit more. We remember to put gloves in our pockets, warm socks on radiators, eat warming foods and take hot baths so we stay warm to the core. And every winter is different, they each teach us something new about ourselves, sometimes it snows, and we get unexpected days off to play, sometimes it is wet and warmer and it doesn’t feel so harsh.

And in that awareness we are in a cycle, that knowledge that all things come around again, is where we can free ourselves to really heal, to head into our winters with great awareness so we can really enjoy them this time around, a chance to show ourselves just how far we have come.

If your core wound is abandonment say, know on a reasonably regular basis something along those lines will pop up for you, even if it is just an echo, your ego, your inner child will recognise it and potentially be triggered.

And here is the gift as you heal, not only do you recognise it, you know how you tend to respond and can chose something else. And bingo your experience of abandonment, of your own personal winter changes. From one of being alone and cold, to one feeling loved and warm.

It is still winter but what you have done, how you reacted, is completely different. And so, your experience, your attachment, your understanding is forever changed. And that is growth.

So, if you are feeling in a spin, caught in a loop you don’t seem to be able to get out of, take a moment to centre yourself and know things always come around again for another pass and with what you learned this time it will be easier for you next.

Note the lessons, commit to being different next time and remember it is not what happens that matters but how you react. And that is entirely your choice every time.

Sending love to all you brave souls. I would love to hear how you have begun to embrace the layers of healing you get to walk through.

Do you ever feel overwhelmed by or afraid of your feelings?

For a large part of my adult life, I genuinely believed I had no emotions whatsoever.

I had no reactions to anything, no anger, no tears, I was completely calm amidst the chaos.

What I hadn’t realised was I had completely blocked out all my feelings.

For many reasons that I didn’t want to look at.

Underneath my calm exterior I was terrified if I allowed myself to feel anything my life would disintegrate. I would fall apart and never find my way out.

I was afraid my feelings of sadness, pain, loss, grief, anger, betrayal, hatred even, would overcome me, that I would lose my mind, my sanity and simply end up dropping out, not be able to work and from there it would spiral. I would become an irrational dramatic mess, with no friends, no job, no home, no life.

So, I kept a really tight lid on that box, there was no way ANY of these feelings were getting out ever.

The trouble with that is it is a lot of energy, emotion, energy in motion, to contain everyday. When we block the movement of energy inside, hold it in and deny it, our bodies are left to deal with it.

And our bodies deal with any emotions we leave in them in different ways – some insulate and get fat, some starve to starve the feelings, some get sick in an effort to process it, others push it out to the surface through rashes and spots, some go into pain trying to attract our attention as to where that energy is stuck.

Our bodies literally start to yell at us “Hey you, I can’t handle this on my own, I need your help to get it out, you are giving me too much to hold!!!”

If we are lucky, we notice and start to do something.

It took me 15 years to notice what my body was shouting at me. By that stage I was obese, with chronic back and knee pain. And nothing I did on a physical level really made it any better.

Old energy, the feelings I had stuffed down, would attach to any feelings I did have in the moment, in a desperate attempt to get out that old anger would attach to any little bit of irritation I felt, and my responses would be horribly out of proportion to the situation. The slightest little thing, someone driving less than perfectly on the same road as me, and I would feel fury rising. I was leaking all the emotional pain I had chosen not to deal with.

I realised I couldn’t hold in the tears and rage anymore. It took a while of being brave and allowing some of those emotions to surface. I used a journal, I spoke to friends sensitive enough not to judge.

I had made a start but the tsunami was still within.

I used to tell myself over and over again. “I am strong enough to feel this feeling fully”. I took flower remedy’s to surface deep feelings as I got braver and researched emotions as much as I could.

A light came on that I had been denying one of my superpowers all this time.

My feelings weren’t enemies to be fought, but allies in life.

My anger was my guardian at my gates, telling me when my boundaries were being pushed.

My sadness was my signal to wash away the pain, to cleanse, let go and begin again.

My jealousy would show me what I truly wanted and desired to be.

My grief would lead me to great transformation as I buried the old to make way for the new.

And the deeper I went into my own feelings and danced with them I learned they don’t last long when you feel them fully and truthfully. Literally if you go deep they are out in a few minutes.

Once expressed the energy of emotion simply moves on. And so can you.

I learned that by holding my own emotions so carefully, I could enable others to do the same. It allowed me to understand and empathise, deeply, for the first time.

Emotion is a gift; it is the way we connect as humans, to ourselves, to others and to the energies all around us we can sense in any other way.

Without emotions we are not living.

Denying emotions is like denying life.

So today I invite you, wherever you are on your emotional journey to breathe deep, let the breath flow, there is no need to hold anything in anymore and allow what is ever there to be felt to emerge.

Know you are strong enough. Know you can ride your own feelings. And overtime you will become an expert surfer of your own deep sea of feeling.

Know that you are giving yourself a great gift – the gift of truly feeling the sweetness and depth of life itself.

Let me know what you feel, I would love to hear.

Helen xxx

Over this full moon, I have been enjoying some really vivid dreams.

I believe dreams are a way our subconscious mind can speak to us, so when I remember them, I get really excited because I know my subconscious mind is trying to tell me something important!

A dream dictionary can be useful, especially if your dream was along the lines of a classic theme like falling, or running late, you can also search online for dream meanings...

HOWEVER…

While useful, I think dream dictionary lack the individual essence that our dreams genuinely have.

So, if you feel the same, I recommend interpreting the message yourself, after all it is your subconscious trying to get through to you!

So here is the tool I use to guide me, and I hope it will help you make sense of some of your dreams too…

1. Write a list of every significant person, place, and object in the dream.

2. For each of them, write down the first 5 words you associate with them. Don’t think too hard, just let the words pop in, as they may not be what you are expecting! For example, if I saw my dog in my dream, the words that come to mind are unconditional love, protection, warm, sleepy, noisy.

3. For each person, place and object then add to that list how you felt when they appeared in your dream. It could be any emotion so, maybe anxious, happy, sad, calm.

4. Then finally, for each person, place and object add what they represent to you. It could be that a memory you associate them with popped in, a scene from a movie, a sensation, emotion, a desire or anything else that comes. This will be specific to you. For example, perhaps there was a key in your dream, and to you that means opening to freedom, for another person that might mean locking something away to keep it hidden, and for someone else anxiety as they always worry about losing keys.

Now comes the MAGIC….

As you read through all the words on the page, let the real message from your dream appear.

This isn’t a literal thing; you will need to trust and tap into your intuition.

BUT by using the word association you will have tapped into your unconscious, so a new meaning of your dream can emerge that is untainted by your conscious patterns and judgements and what you “think” the dream should or could mean.

Give it a try!

I cannot tell you how exciting it is when the penny drops and you understand what you were meant to!

Dreams are literally your unconscious using what it knows about YOU to give YOU a specific message, which is why this is so powerful.

Share below what you discovered about your dreams, I would love to hear how you are tapping in on that new level.

With love,

Helen xxx

I have always struggled to rest. It is like I am programmed to keep doing. And I have the stamina to keep doing which is great, and I sleep like a baby every night, so I never really thought rest was important. In fact, to be honest, I have always thought it was people just being lazy!

But here is what I realised.

I was avoiding resting.

Why?

Because when we rest, there is space. And in that space, everything you have been avoiding can appear. Truth dawns. And it requires you to trust, be gentle, be still, be selfish, relax, give to yourself. And none of that is easy!

Rest isn’t switching off and watching TV, it isn’t distraction where you read a book, paint, cook, eat, or listen to music. There is a relationship to meditation, but it isn’t that either, because meditating is focusing, and still counts as doing something.

No, real rest is the absence of everything.

When I first started taking rest seriously, I used to always fall asleep. Years of running my nervous system on full alert had me stressed and payback was required. I have gone through periods (years) where I operated effectively on 4-5 hours sleep a night, so long as I was doing daily dynamic yoga practice, it was possible to live a frantic London life on full speed, all the time.

Having moved to the mountains in Spain, life runs at a different pace, manana manana is a real phenomenon! But believe me when you are addicted to achieving and doing, when you feel like you are wasting your life if you aren’t doing something, a new culture and location isn’t enough to hit the brakes for you. Rest has to be a conscious choice and practice. Especially in the times that we live in now.

So, what is real rest?

I looked up a few definitions of rest to understand what I was working towards:

• Ceasing work or movement in order to relax, sleep, or recover strength.
• To be placed or supported so as to stay in a specified position.
• An interval of silence of a specified duration.
• A bodily state characterized by minimal functional and metabolic activities.
• A state of motionlessness or inactivity.
• Relief or freedom, especially from anything that wearies, troubles, or disturbs.
• A period or interval of inactivity, repose, solitude, or tranquillity
• Mental or spiritual calm
• And finally…the repose of death: eternal rest.

And in those definitions, I realised why I have spent a lifetime avoiding rest.

It is because when we really rest, we must embrace a void. And it is in that space that your nervous system, if it has been running in fight or flight mode, does not compute what is happening so shuts down (sleep). But with some practice, what rests gives your body and mind is this…

• A clear undeniable message that you are safe and loved for simply being. Your nervous system actually EXPERIENCES this and KNOWS you are completely safe, perhaps for the first time in your life.
• In the silence, in the void, after all is said and done, the world keeps turning, and you can be at peace, if you choose it.
• All of your turbulence, activities thoughts and distractions will in the end mean nothing and you will have yourself, who you are, in whatever state you have chosen for yourself. 

These are big concepts to allow to settle within your body. If you have been avoiding emotions or thoughts they can come rushing in, and I often found myself leaping up because I remembered something I had to do. Then realised it was just me avoiding again! But as I have practiced resting more often, sometimes taking naps when needed, I have learned to simply stop and rest. And it is a beautiful, soul filling, refreshing experience. 

So, I encourage you to start taking some rest. Real rest, without guilt. Knowing that it is the tonic your nervous system needs (most of us have fried our circuits).

Give yourself full permission to rest.

And not because you deserve it for anything you have done. It is not a treat or a reward.

It is a valid state of being.

From its stillness great strength, energy, focus, clarity, health, positivity, appreciation, joy, love, and creativity flows.

Let me know how you get on. I would love to hear.

Helen xxx